Letter 95

6 June 2016

Dear C,

I found this beautiful leaf outside of my prison building today and I don't even know why I took it with me to my cell. Once I got inside and locked the door, I noticed how brightly the afternoon sun was still shining through my tiny window here. It was actually so intense that for a moment, I considered closing the curtains for the rest of the day, but eventually, I never did.

Instead, I laid down on my bed and held this leaf in front of my face. It had so many tiny holes in it and small cracks everywhere that it looked like a slice of swiss cheese. I moved it a bit closer to my window to allow the rays of light to shine through all of its holes and to create some shapes and patterns on the wall next to me.

Each time I moved the leaf - the shapes changed. It was like a wonderful laser show that you see on TV on New Year's Eve - but this time nature was the main source of beauty. Mesmerizing. It made me feel so strangely comfortable and at ease.

I turned to the wall to get myself the first-row seat in this incredible light show. The shapes were changing constantly and they moved from one side to another. It was surely the best thing I have seen in months! Incredible, how such a tiny thing could create such beautiful artwork right in front of my eyes - once the sunlight touched its surface. I felt truly inspired.

With my fingers, I touched the wall to follow the patterns of light. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my fingertips. It seemed like time stood still and nothing else really mattered.

And as strange as it may sound - sometimes I was the one creating the shapes of light in front of me. I simply moved my fingers around and the light just followed. Like some kind of a magic light dance...

And of course, my fingers wrote your name down over and over again. They even painted your face so it could shine brightly just for me. I imagined that you were looking down at me - through that old, yellow paint on my wall. And you even winked and smiled. I smiled back. I so smiled back! How could I not? I felt so wonderfully happy in this mirage of light and blissfulness.

As I was stuck in this surreal moment of joy, I felt like I started to float above my own body. I saw myself laying on my tiny bed. I saw how with my fingers, I was changing the shapes of the sunlight around me. I saw, how the sun now covered my whole body giving me the warmest of hugs I ever felt. I imagined, that it was actually you who was hugging me there... So gently and yet so tight.

I could just stay like this forever.

You know C, when I was watching myself from above, I only then realized, that I was not holding that leaf in my hands anymore. It was laying on the floor next to my bed. And for a split of a second, I couldn't help but wonder - how all of these shapes and patterns and your face and all that - were even possible...? After all, they all came to existence from the holes and the cracks of the leaf I just held in front of my face...

Then I woke up.

Sweet dreams my love.

Forever yours,

Sebastian