Letter 105

16 July 2016

Dear C,

It's quite late already - almost 11 PM now. It's funny how this is "late" for me when back home we used to go to bed around 2 AM. First, we obviously had to play some Mario Kart games. It was right after you came home from your late shift at Argos. I remember how I used to love cooking dinners for you and how much you liked them. I miss being someone who was loved.

Today in the afternoon I had a good chat with Steve. We sat on the grass and talked. He was telling me about his friends back home and I was trying not to mention you in the conversation anymore, but I couldn't help it. Steve usually is pretty straight forward and he said to me that if you actually really cared for me you would have already emailed me and definitely visited me here too. I think I needed to heart this. Maybe some logic is finally overtaking my stupid heart?

He kept saying I was a really great catch and he even joked that if he was gay, he would have been all over me already. I laughed hard. I guess I need to first learn how to swim before I learn how to fly.

I finished a new painting today. A guy I often chat with (Rob) asked me to paint his sister with her dog from the photograph that he had here. At first, I refused, but eventually, I agreed. I do not paint from photos - especially people. The reason is I can't. It's challenging and slightly boring too. But anyway I tried and he liked it a lot. Hopefully, his sister will like it too.

I also did a quick watercolour piece of an old man. I did play with colours as usual and I actually only painted one side of his face and the other side is almost invisible. It looks alright. Nothing special.

A few days ago I spoke to Jermaine about God again. It was interesting to listen to him talk about God with such passion. I normally wouldn't waste my time hearing some ridiculous things about the man sitting on the cloud, but I like the way Jermaine talks about him.

I like people with passion. It reminded me a bit about Rose - one of my office colleagues. She could talk about God for hours. Extremely dedicated to her bible and all that. And even though she annoyed me with all that God talks - I admired her for the passion for God.

Maybe one day I will give it another go and open that bible book again. Time will tell.

Maybe one day I need to learn how to swim before I learn how to fly. I doubt we will ever fly together again, my wings are too broken to lift me off the ground.

Forever yours,

Sebastian