Letter 100

23 June 2016

Dear C,

My 100th letter!

Wow... I never knew I would be capable of writing so many words to you. On so many pages. With so much pain and so very little hope. I wonder how would you react if you actually ever read any of these letters... I know that you never will, but I'm just wondering.

On a positive note: I saved a lot by not sending any of these letters to you. I would have spent over £100 if not more. So 100 letters and zero stamps. And you know what C? I will continue writing to you. Even though it never gets anywhere. At least this is the only way I can still be with you, my love. It makes me feel like you are near me.

How are you doing? How are you spending your days?

I have been jogging a lot here these days. It's becoming my obsession. And the gym too. I think the physical pain I am going through during all of these exercises kills - in a way - the emotional pain I carry inside. Or at least it makes it less painful. If that makes sense...

Yesterday there was another fight on the exercise yard. Some young guy attacked another one and they called everyone inside. It's annoying when you get only 30 minutes a day to be outside and even this is taken away from you. But it's ok. I'll live.

I've been chatting a lot to Andy and Steve lately. They are so funny. And in completely different ways. Andy reminds me so much of Marie from Ireland. I can only imagine both of them together! The world would laugh hard. They both have the same capability of saying inappropriate things in the most inappropriate times. And the best thing is, that they both can get away with this! And make people laugh at the same time! I love this. I think having Andy and Marie next to me for a day would result in serious laughter stomachaches. Bless them!

Steve is just a kid, but he has moments when he says something smart. But in general, he makes me laugh. And it's funny how Andy makes fun of Steve in front of him, yet Steve doesn't notice. I am glad I have these two around me here.

We talked a lot about the referendum that is happening today in the UK. Will the British leave the European Union?

Most people are saying it's not possible, although I have a feeling that it might happen. You know, I noticed that most British guys here, who are coming from the countrysides and small villages, are up for so-called Brexit. On the other hand, those from big cities like London are way against Brexit. Well, we shall see what happens. Tomorrow we will find out. I only wonder if the UK leaves the EU - will they need visas to travel to Europe? And vice versa...

It's almost 7 pm now and it's so hot here in my cell. It's been a very humid day and not being able to open this tiny window doesn't help at all.

I miss good food. I miss it so much. I saw the advert of some magnum ice cream today and I could almost feel the taste of it in my mouth. It's crazy. The same happened to me the other day when they advertised KFC on TV. I normally don't treat myself to any treats from the canteen shop because I always save up for my art tools. But I think I am going to treat myself to the chocolate bar next time. It's 45p which is a lot here - but I really crave for it badly.

Also, once I buy some paint brushes I should start saving some money to buy me some t-shirts and maybe a pair of jeans... Everything that I am wearing has become too big now. And believe me, babes, those t-shirts and other clothes are not cheap here. The cheapest t-shirt that I found in the catalogue is £19 - that's almost my 3 weeks salary here! I need to do some serious savings.

Ok, my love, I will wrap up now. I am really sleepy.

Stay safe. Be happy. Eat good food.

I miss you so much.

Forever yours,

Sebastian