Letter 5

16 August 2015

Dear C,

It’s been over a week since my last letter to you.

I still cannot believe, that I haven’t seen you in 20 days now. I miss you so much baby…

A few days ago, I received a letter from Kasia. I started crying like a baby when I realized it was her handwriting.

She told me, that she came to see you, that you had finished your second chemo cycle, that you’ve been missing me.

That you are okish, and that you are lonely without me…

She told me, that she has moved into our room now, so I shouldn’t be worried about anything.

Baby, you have no idea, what a great feeling it was to know, that there was someone out there caring for me.

Kasia wrote, that she told my mum about everything.

And obviously, that my mum was very worried and in a shock.

I will never tell her, how bad things are in here – I don’t want her to worry even more.

On Wednesday I gave them your number again – I hope, they will register it this time. I am just waiting.

None of the numbers has been registered yet.

My skin is falling off my face. I don’t know, what is going on. It’s very itchy.

I am going to ask someone to let me see a nurse.

I am still waiting for any news about my job here.

I have noticed, that people get some food and other products packed in plastic bags – I’m guessing they must be buying it from some kind of a shop.

Today I saw someone drinking Pepsi… you have no idea, how much I wanted it.

I am always so thirsty and I don’t even know why…

I still can’t eat – I tried to have some noodles yesterday, but it took me over a half an hour to finish it.

My throat hurts each time I try to swallow anything…

Yesterday I have been beaten up again. With no reasons.

Our cells were unlocked for over 2 hours and, as usual, I stayed inside.

Suddenly 4 guys walked in and asked me about drugs and cigarettes.

I said I had none - as I didn’t smoke and neither I did drugs.

Then they started calling me names and one of them dragged me off my bed and threw me onto the floor.

He sat on my legs and put his hand over my mouth, while others started to kick me in my back and stomach.

They twisted my hands and spat on me. My nose started to bleed as one of them was kicking my face.

One guy was guarding the door all the time.

Then he jumped on me, stood on my face with his one foot and kicked me hard in my forehead.

It hurt so bad – I thought I would faint. But I didn’t scream, I just started to cry.

Then he grabbed my finger and twisted it.

Then I screamed.

It must have upset them even more because they started kicking me really hard all over my body.

I didn’t know how long it last, but suddenly I felt the guy who was sitting on me got up and they all disappeared.

You know C, I can’t even remember their faces now.

I wasn’t screaming when they did this to me, I just asked God – if he exists, not to let them kill me - not now.

Because I can’t die yet.

Because I have you baby, because I need to be strong for you – no matter what, no matter how bad it can get.

We've promised to each other, that we would always be there for one another.

And I am going to keep my promise.

Forever yours,

Sebastian